SO I'm having a rough morning today...

Weight-gain/loss has been a huge battle my whole life...as long as I can remember.  What I remember most about my childhood is being the fat one that withdrew from a lot of fun things because of being self-conscious.  Isn't that sad?  I won't let the rest of my life be that way...I want to be in control.  That being said...being in control isn't always easy.  Past couple of weeks have been hard.

Easter.....was filled with candy...and TONS of it.  Two cookie jars sitting on our counter filled with candy.  When no one was around, the binge eater in me took control and I would eat probably 600-800 calories easily just pacing around the house.  This is why I try to keep junk food out of the house...I hardly ever think to binge eat on healthy foods.  I know I eventually have to win control back over this, but it's a work in progress.  It's something I've known my whole life.  Sad? Binge...Lonely? Binge...Bored?....binge and so on.  I don't remember the exact age I was, I just remember it was the year I tried to run away from home but I had started making myself throw up.  When I had started I probably kept it up for almost a year.  It started that I would only do it after I went into a binge, but then I eventually did it after every meal....even if it was something healthy, I just felt like if it was in my body, it was going to make/keep me fat.

I've struggled with it on and off over the years and lately that has also taken control of me a handful of times (I am sad to say).  It's hard to fight off the temptation.  I packed up all the candy and 5 boxes of little debbies that Josh decided to get at the store the other day and told him to take them to work and put in his locker.  He doesn't need them either but he wouldn't let me throw them away.  So the junk food is out of the house but I still struggle with mindlessly throwing things into my mouth...even if I do write it down. 

No weight-loss in the past couple of weeks...most likely due to my diet, which is sad cause I've been bustin my tail at the gym.

I knew I would let go of some of my secrets on this blog and this is one I don't think I've ever talked about.  There is a great deal of shame that comes with it and that's probably why.  It's just another reason why it's so hard to do this journey without a support system. 

So I have no pictures to post cause I left my camera downstate.  BUT...

My weight as of this morning...278!  That's 7 lbs down in the last two weeks and I couldn't be more thrilled. :D  I have started weight-lifting every day...focusing on a different muscle group every day.  It's pretty intense but my body always seems to respond really well to it.

This morning I woke up and could barely walk...yesterday was legs day.  Felt fine all day yesterday and then I went to get out of bed this morning and almost fell. :P  But I love that burn...tells me I'm working those muscles hard.  Yesterday's workout went like this:  50 minutes of stationary bike on alpine pass on level 8, 15 mins on the stairclimber, 3 sets of 20 deadlifts (80 lbs), 3 sets of 20 leg presses (220 lbs) with 20 squats in between sets, 3 sets of 18 leg extensions (45 lbs), 3 sets of 20 leg curls (45 lbs) and then 40 mins on the eliptical.  OHHHH yeah...I'm feeling it...and I"ll be doing that workout all over again tomorrow.  Today was shoulders and I feel awesome!  Something about being a woman and weight lifting that is so empowering!

I'm looking forward to weighing in this Monday.  Not expecting much difference in the scale but I'm still happy.  I quit doing the liquid diet for Easter weekend, and then went back on it for three days and have been off it for a few days now.  I have decided to not continue with it.  With having a family to care for and cook for, it's nearly impossible.  It's better for both my family and I if I cook healthy for all of us.  I feel so much more energized eating actual food when I work out.  I have also switched to lifting every weekday, focusing on a different muscle group every day.  I am really feeling it and my triceps are still on fire from yesterday.  I kicked butt on the stair climber yesterday at level 20 (the highest it goes)...and man...did I feel like I just ran 1,000 flights of stairs!  So about the weight-loss.....now that I have actual food sitting in my stomach pretty much all the time I'm going to weigh a couple pounds more than I did on the liquid diet.  So even if my weight stays the same, I've actaully lost weight.  Does that makes sense? So there will be an update with pictures (hopefully) on Monday!!

SOOO...I haven't been posting in a while..I had a couple of rough weeks of no loss and then a couple of weeks ago I went back up to 302 with no difference in my diet, but Ijust missed a couple days at the gym.  So last Monday I was at 302 lbs and today I weighed in at 285 lbs.  How's that for a week's loss!?!  18 friggin pounds!  Yeah baby!  Okay so I had my mom take a couple pics today to post for progress.  :)  What do ya think?  Yeah, I've gone down a size and a half in a week.  WAHOO!! 

And here is a side view, I've never liked side views..but I think I'm looking pretty darn good! :)

Can't wait to post NEXT weeks pics already!  What a great week it has been! :)